How to Love a Black Man Biblically

** I don't agree with the all of the items listed in the "Ten Problems that Black Men have with Black Women" but I left the article intact. Personally I think most of these qualities is actually what makes us STRONG BLACK WOMEN. But that's my opinion LOL

Song of Solomon 1:2
Matthew 26:47-48

The Ten Problems that Black Men have with Black Women:
1) Black Women make Black men feel unappreciated, unwanted, irresponsible, and regressive.
2) Black Women are too aggressive, and are impatient when it comes to waiting on a man to pursue them.
3) Black Women are too strong-headed and independent, which presents great challenges in relationships.
4) Black Women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to “run” the relationship.
5) Black Women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue-collar black man.
6) Black Women are hot-headed and have bad attitudes.
7) Black Women stop caring about their appearance once they are in a relationship.
8) Black Women are not open to other areas of intimacy. (paraphrased)
9) Black Women’s tolerance is far too low; they are not empathetic to the Black Man’s struggle in a racist society.
10) Black Women do not cater to their man as much as they cater to themselves and their child.

The context of Song of Solomon is that King David was going through a very small town and saw a woman who was working in the garden. She captured his attention by the way she worked. He returned to the palace, but could not get her off his mind. Consequently, he disguised himself and dressed like a peasant. He returned to the vineyard and won her over. Song of Solomon is a collection of 7 poems that talks about how they met: their courtship, engagement, wedding, honeymoon and the life they lived after.


Four C’s On How to Love a Black Man.

1. Cheerleader.
Every woman involved with a black man has to learn how to be a cheerleader. A cheerleader is of no consequence when the team is winning. When the team has scored a touch down, you can’t hear the cheerleaders because the whole stadium is ecstatic and excited. Cheerleaders are necessary after a tackle, a hit or an injury. Every black man yearns to have somebody on the sidelines who will cheer for him when he’s not making progress.

2. Conditioner.
a) Hair Conditioner. A conditioner is something that improves the quality of another matter. Every woman is supposed to condition, or improve a man’s quality of life. Most heterosexual men only use shampoo, while most women who take care of their hair use shampoo and conditioner. The shampoo is incomplete by itself. The conditioner is the sealant. Women need to understand that they are incomplete without men, and vice versa. When we connect, we seal and complement each other.

The conditioner does several things:
It detangles. A woman’s first assignment in loving a black man is to bring order.
The conditioner also stops breakage. The role of a woman who is involved with a black man is to stop him from having break downs.

The conditioner alleviates dandruff (signs of death in the scalp). Dandruff always shows itself at eye level, so you can see a man when he’s starting to die. Life no longer excites him. Therefore, to stop the death process, a woman has to condition him.

Conditioner also brings gloss. The role of a woman who is living with a black man is to help him shine. Don’t minimize him even though you make more money.

a) conditioner is also an acidifier. In order for a man to love a woman wholly, he’s got to be healed from what is in his head.
b) An air conditioner is an instrument used to change the environment. It produces both air and heat. Air conditioners do not produce the air, they recycle the air. The role of a woman in a man’s life is to be an environment transformer.
c)Fabric Conditioner/Fabric Softener prevent static cling. If you want to love a black man and have him love you back, you cannot have static cling.

3. Co-pastor
The man in biblical structure/order is the priest of the home. Unfortunately, in the Christian construct more often than not the woman is more disciplined in spirituality than the man. The woman in that relationship is assigned, or deputized, as the co-pastor.

4. Conspirator
The woman who is connected to a black man has to come up with a conspiracy for his success - setting him up for greatness in his absence.

SOS 1:2 “Let him …” This is very critical because Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, is advising sisters who love a black man to let him feel like it was his idea, let him believe that he was right. It says “Let him kiss you…” this implies that the woman has the authority, but the man can’t operate in that authority without her permission. The male ego is such a fragile entity. He doesn’t need to know all the things a woman has done on his behalf.

God’s conspiracy for man was to make him feel like “he’s the man,” but man didn’t understand it until God introduced him to a woman, the conditioner. Her role was to condition him for a place in God.

God's trying to get my attention.....

I have had a interested 2 days...

Sunday: I put something that was on my heart on God's alter. Sunday service was very moving for me and I had a good cry! (I needed it)

Monday: He revealed what I needed to see regarding that situation. I had major decisions to make and I did what was needed to be done. I have had a 'season' with these people. It was fun while it lasted but in the end, it was in MY best interest to part ways. I value friendship when it's apparent others don't. Therefore all of them were CUT OFF. I will still have cordial relationships, but as far as friendships that is OVER.

Today: I get up and read my emails around 5am. I get about 300 a day easily. Most I skip over but this one for some reason got my attention (as I don't always read the ones from this particular writer).

This was on point: I need the Peace of God in my life.... I feel out of balance and I need to focus on ME (and HIM) to get MYSELF together. I am truly a work in progress.

I must thank my Prayer Warriors & 'Keepers' out there. It is good to know y'all got my back...

2008/12/23

Christmas Brings the Peace of God
by Rick Warren

You will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6 (NLT)

*** *** *** ***
Once you make peace with God, that’s spiritual peace, then you get the peace of God in your heart and that’s emotional peace.

This is the one you really need for daily living. The peace of God happens in your heart when you’ve made peace with God. All of a sudden, the stress in your life goes down. You’re not as angry as you used to be. Things don’t bother you as much. You’re a lot more patient. You’re filled with a lot more love and peace.

Why? Because once you have peace with God, you have the peace of God in your heart.
The Bible says, “Don’t worry about anything. Instead pray about everything” (Philippians 4:6 NLT).
You have two choices in life: You can pray or panic, worship or worry. Those are your choices.

Worry has never solved a single one of your problems. If you prayed as much as you worry, you would have a lot less to worry about! Prayer can change things. That’s why the Bible says, “Don’t worry. Pray!”

“Pray about everything. Tell God what you need. Thank him for all that he’s done. [And if you do this] You will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6 NLT).

© 2008 Purpose Driven Life. All rights reserved

Will I Ever???

This song is deep.... And as a single woman it makes you think: Will I ever fall in love? Again? 

Will I Ever 

by Lyfe Jennings

[Verse 1:]
Does it feel like ya
You're never gonna find it
Does it feel like ya
Always one step behind it
Does it feel like ya
Out in this world alone 'cause you been lookin and prayin for love so long
Does it feel like ya
Wishing on a falling star
Does it feel like ya
Lonely and it breaks your heart
'Cause it feels like ya
Ready to let down your guard
Finding somebdy's just so hard

[Pre-Chorus:]
How do you find the one you dream about (how do u find it yeah)
If I knew I'd tell you how (swear to God swear to God)
It's kinda hard for me to figure out (and I know you're ready to settle down)
I know you're ready to settle down
If there's a God above please tell me

[Chorus:]
Tell me will I ever fall in love
Will I be alone forever
Will I ever fall in love
Or will I be alone forever

[Verse 2:]
Does it feel like ya
Moving too fast
Does it feel like ya
Want something you can't have
Does it feel like ya
Living in the past
And the thought of going home alone again makes you sad
Does it feel like ya
Feeling so bad
Does it feel like ya
Getting so mad
'Cause it feels like ya
Just want someone to call
To tell ya that you're human after all

[PreChorus]

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
To fall in love (I would do anything, anything)
To fall in love
To fall in love, love, love, love
To fall in love
To fall in love

[Chorus x2]

Relationship Info (Married or Singles)

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it. An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.'

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerable-abilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious.

If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life', you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note).

Leave a nice message on the voice mail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.

Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.

The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the I.

Is He/She the One... THE RIGHT ONE?

Is HE/SHE the ONE? THE RIGHT ONE?

First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it's made on an emotional one.

"What about love? Shouldn't that be the third?" you ask. No, and I'll tell you why.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9).

The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23).

Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.

Dating exists not for mating ; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively - it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage.

But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather these facts.

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God?

You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.

Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time.

Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends.

Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22). Note - who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together.

At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy!

Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested.

Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: "We love him because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself.

You need only one man - your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. J esus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments --including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn 't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person - and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.

A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever.

Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complimentary. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts, compliment yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?

This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition.. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong.

This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive!

God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you.

A man's relationship with God is crucial here.. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.

If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to God, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.

So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and no one gets a ride in this life for free.

Our prayer:
Dear Heavenly Mother/Father, God
I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should've been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me. As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me.

I ask that You take over this area of my life.. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me.. Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to t rust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Ladies this is something you should definitely share with a friend, whether you are single or married... It is something to think about, When you ask is "He" the one!

i carry your heart with me....

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear;
and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear not fate
(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

***

by: e.e. cummings


Life is not measured by the breaths you take...but by the moments that take your breath away....

Good Black Men!

Food For Thought:

Good Black Men are indeed all around us. We pass them on the streets, in the malls, and at work. Most we can't see because we don't know what a good man really looks like. He usually isn't flashy enough or rich enough to turn our heads. He might not wear a suit or push a Lexus. He might not have a body like Tyson with a Denzel face. But, as you mature, you realize it's better to find someone who's got your back rather than someone who turns your head.

A good man doesn't agree wholeheartedly with everything you say. He doesn't just tell you what you want to hear and do the opposite. He doesn't declare how sensitive, sweet, caring, sincere, etc. he is (he won't have to because it shows). He has his own opinions and yours may clash, but he doesn't have to degrade you to prove he's right. He even admits at times to being wrong, especially if you are willing to do the same.

A good man is not going to meet every item on your checklist. He is human with frailties and faults mixed in with all of his wonderful, strong attributes. He needs your love and respect. He needs to feel that you don't live to catch him doing something wrong so you can declare, "Aha! I knew you were a dog!"

A good man isn't insecure about his woman having great achievements. In fact, he is her number one supporter and becomes disappointed with her when she begins to lose herself, especially for the sake of not hurting his feelings, or only wanting to make him happy. His happiness comes with seeing her excel in her dreams and accomplishing her goals. For as she excels and is exalted, a good woman will bring her good man right along with her.

A good man doesn't necessarily give you a huge birthday or Valentine's gift. He shows his love in the ways that are comfortable to him. Don't judge him by TV standards. No one is really living a fairy
tale. You'll miss ! out on your own fairy tale by buying into the myth that our men are no good. It's just not true.

A good black man is a man of his word. He says what he means and means what he says. His word is his bond. He never leaves you wondering if he is going to call or show up - he is dependable. A good black man has a love and a heart for God. As his relationship and love with and for God grows so will his relationship and love with and for you grow...